Battling With...Attitude

When I was first diagnosed with the GBM in June 2000 I was hit hard with the bad news; like getting slammed by an oncoming train. My first reaction was negative, in no way positive. I got sucked into fear, anxiety, depression, etc.

I felt overwhelmed and at a loss of how to move forward. I bought many books, I search on the internet, I talked with people I felt where wise, gathered information as many ways as I could. The summary of what I felt I learned is; it’s very important to have a positive attitude. There is even research that shows having a positive attitude, laughing, doing, smiling actually boosts your immune system. And that a negative attitude can cause damage to your immune system. Overall, it’s as simple as that. (Again, I’m no phycologist, PhD Doctor, etc. just sharing my 2 cents)

When there is a word I’m really trying to understand the depth of it, I often look up its synonyms, to see it from different viewpoints. Here are some synonyms of positive: optimistic, confidence, constructive, affirmative, and progressive. Wow, having a positive attitude sounds so powerful.

I love the saying, “You are what you think you are”. Well, I keep telling myself that I’m positive and then I believe it. And then I feel so powerful! More powerful that the tiny, little, GBM brain tumor. I feel I’m bigger than it, I can overcome it. Yes, I think of it as “it”, that makes me feel like I’m way more powerful than just “it”. It’s amazing how potent our minds can be. I was amazed at how much I control my attitude. And I choose to be positive.

I often don’t start out in every situation with a positive attitude. I have to catch myself and “redirect” my thoughts. But it takes an effort to notice it, acknowledge it; then choose to change t from negative to positive. Then it takes mental action.

I can’t just lay on the couch, feeling bad about myself and then just expect to feel better. It takes action – mentally and physically. I have to choose to not be a pessimist. I need to decide to see the situation as the saying goes, the cup is “half full” instead of “half empty”. The negative attitude needs to be nipped in the bud.

In the beginning, soon after being diagnosed with GBM, I became determined to have a positive attitude. I’m often told I’m a suborned person, and I believe it. So I demanded to myself; I will have a positive attitude, no matter what it takes! And it’s sure not easy.

It’s chronically “takes” mental action. I can’t just say, “OK, I will be positive from now on”, then magically and permanently positive. No way, that’s not how it works. It takes me, at least me, a daily effort.

I find I need to “do” things, to feed myself with a positive attitude. It may be me just vocally telling myself, “Life is good, I have a lot to be thankful for, I will smile today”; there is a big list of things I can encourage myself with; (Even though at the beginning of that time I sure don’t feel that way) But soon after my verbally telling myself that it seem to begin to change from negative to positive.

I don’t just yell myself that in my mind. I say it out loud! I even yell it at times; like I’m yelling at the caner, at my negative self. It’s amazing how powerful what we tell ourselves can be. Again the saying, “You are what you think you are”, when for me at times, for me most of the time, it’s not just a thought, it’s a loud verbal SOUND, that touches (slams) me on the shoulder as it’s saying, “Do you hear me!”

There are other things I can do to make myself more positive, not only about fighting the cancer, but about all of the suffering that comes along with it, deficits, pain, too long to list. I need to feel more positive about so many things. So often I need to take my mind away from thinking about those negative things.

Like getting out walking; watching a good TV show or movies. Planning on a going on a vacation; reading a good book. Getting myself out x-country skiing, riding my bike, hiking in the woods, river rafting, working in the garden; just about anything that takes movement that I need to pay attention to or I would crash! There are a lot of things I can do that takes my mind away from the ugly “brain tumor world” and gets me thinking about the FUN things, which magically helps change my negative attitude from negative to positive.

There are even more ways to flip attitude. Like talking with or doing something family and friends. For many it’s a spiritual stimulation, from a religion, beliefs, not sure how to describe or “call” them all. For me personally it’s my Lord Jesus Christ that feeds me with a positive attitude.

When it comes down to it, for me, it takes a positive attitude, or I would fall into a deep pit and give up. So as I said, I daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes even per minute, I keep taking the action of accomplishing my goal of being positive –optimistic and confidence!

Learning to Live – While Climbing a Mountain

I’m a long term survivor of what is considered “terminal” brain cancer. After living through 5 recurrences, 6 brain surgeries, radiation and chemo – many people ask me: How can you be so happy going through that? What is it that gives you hope and that positive attitude? Tell me what you do…

I love to share it with you because we all have something in common – we are all struggling through hard times in life. I hope you will smile and feel at peace along with me through the good, bad and ugly times in life.

The doctors told me I had less than a year to live. Four years after my diagnosis, I was still alive. I decided to climb 14,167 foot elevation Mount Shasta to celebrate! During the climb I truly became aware of the similarities between “climbing a gnarly trail” and “struggling a terminal trial”. Here are the key strategies I learned to use to successfully make it to the peak of Mt. 

Shasta and to live through cancer – with a smile.

OK, it takes a whole book to really describe my strategies, but I’ll try to wrap it all up in a shorter summary. You can always find my book Life’s Mountains, if you want to delve in deeper. I also put together a video/slide show to share what I learned – you can find the link at the “Brain Tumor Links” The pictures back it up!

Here are the 12 things I learned in my climb. I hope it reaches out and helps you too.

One – Prepare: To successfully make it to the peak of Mt Shasta it took preparation. I gathered gear I needed for the climb (ice axe, harness, boots with crampons) and I exercised five days a week to get physically fit. To prepare for the battle through cancer I also exercise and gather gear. Physical gear – supplements and organic healthy foods. Spiritual gear – God’s Word the Bible. It takes preparation. Some favorite spiritual gear: Ephesians 6:14-18, Isaiah 40:29-31, Roman 5:3-5, Roman 8:25-29, James 1:12.

Two – Guides are like Gold: Whenever you are trying to learn something new you often go to an experienced person to get good advice. Right? On Mt. Shasta I found out that guides are like gold. Without my guide Genaro, I never would have made it to the peak. Without his advise and example I would have failed. Living life battling cancer I need mentors! I tracked down survivors, pastors, elders, wise friends to gather guidance.

Three – Step-by-Step: Climbing Mt Shasta I had to take a slow pace called “rest step” so I wouldn’t get worn out and give up. One, two, rest. One, two, rest. Without the step-by-step approach, I would have failed. With “terminal” cancer, I take it step-by-step also. If I look ahead, I lock in place and the future seems impossible. So I take it day-by-day, sometimes even minute-by-minute. And I take each step holding onto my Lord, Psalm 37:23-24, Proverbs 4:11-13.

Four – Overcome Anxiety: Going through cancer, we all know anxiety very well. Early in my climb up Mt. Shasta anxiety took over! Physical pain in my legs, fear I would fail. Soon enough nausea and diarrhea overcame me. I felt like stuff was going to come out both ends at the same time! Anxiety is UGLY. Being diagnosed with terminal cancer brings on anxiety, no doubt. Overwhelming. During the climb I realized that I brought the sickness on myself by getting caught up in the “what-ifs”. With cancer the “what-ifs” can lead to anxiety and depression! It gets deeper and deeper like falling into a black pit. While climbing Mt Shasta once I started living in the moment, not thinking about the “what-ifs” the sickness of anxiety went away. SO true for me battling cancer too! I love the verse Philippians 4:6-7

Five – Faith: The statistics show 70 % of the people attempting to climb Mount Shasta fail and never make it to the peak. Our guide felt it was not due to physical fitness of the people, but mental attitude. Faith. I was so determined to make it to the peak, I kept my faith and I succeeded. Same with cancer. I’m not saying I have been cured with faith. My goal with cancer is to live with peace, joy and a smile on my face while going through it! That’s my cancer peak. Faith gets me there. My faith is in Christ, he is my refuge – Psalm 62:8

Six – Teamwork: On Mt. Shasta during the dangerously steep part of the climb we all needed to be tied together with rope and harnesses. So if one person fell, the others would drop and slam their ice ax into the slope, holding on tight, keeping them from sliding down the mountain. Being part of the team had many benefits – safety, feeling of security, keeps you at a good pace. I don’t know if I would have made it to the peak with out the teamwork. It is the same way while I climb the mountain of brain cancer. I am blessed to have many teams helping me – my family, my church, my doctors, my caregivers, internet support groups. Taking the challenge with teamwork, makes me feel like it is more do-able. I love Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that tells us how two are better than one!

Seven – Working through Pain: You guys have heard of the saying “No pain, No gain.” I had to work through pain to make it to the peak of Mount Shasta. My thighs were on fire, they burned with each step. My boots cut into my shins. Our guide told us “You need to work through your pain”. If you stopped because of the pain, your muscles would tighten up and it would get worse. I needed to work through the pain. Same for me working through cancer, it can be painful for sure. Physical pain and emotional pain! I need to “keep on keeping on” as David Bailey said. I need to keep working through the pain or it will take me down. Pain can also bring benefits! Like giving birth brings us our child. James 1:2-4 tells us how suffering and pain builds strength and perseverance. And 1 Peter 5:10 tells us how God restores us after the pain.

Eight – Taking Breaks: During the climb, every hour or so, we took a break. We sat up strait, relaxed, took deep breaths, and checked our gear to make sure everything was in order. Living through brain cancer I need breaks too. I find a still quiet place and do nothing. It’s refreshing! Silence is beautiful! It’s like hitting the “reset” button on the computer. After my break, my brain works clearer. See Psalm 46:10

Nine – Energize: During our break climbing Mount Shasta we drank water and ate to keep up our energy. An amazing energy gel called GU, smooth creamy chocolate gel. Yum! Living through cancer treatments, we feel physically fatigued and worn down. Emotional stress also depletes our bodies from energy. It gets harder doing the daily stuff around the house. Just like on the mountain, I need to drink and eat well. Good healthy stuff to energize my immune system and give me the strength to keep up the fight. Other things like laughing, listening to great music, singing, dancing, moving – brings energy. Also just remembering a verse from God’s word during the day gives me strength to keep going! Like 2 Corinthians 12:9 

Ten – Encouragement: Climbing Mount Shasta, almost at the peak, we got to what is called, Misery Hill. It has that name for a reason. I was ready to give up. Matt my husband and a guide saw the look on my face and started the encouragement. “Don’t stop!” “Move those feet!” They took a tag team approach, like big cheerleading men. Sometimes living with cancer I feel like there is no one there cheering me on. Sometimes I need encouragement every day, every hour. I learned I don’t need to wait to hear it from a “person”. I was amazed how many times the Bible talks about encouragement, too many to list here. But God’s word tells us how we can be encouraged by the scripture, the Holy Spirit, thinking of others that inspire us, doing good deeds for others, and even just cheering ourselves on! So I love my friends and family there to encourage me, but I’ve learned that it’s not limited to that. I love Nike’s commercial where it said “Athletes tell themselves they can do the impossible, even when they are not sure they can.” Talk about encouraging themselves!

Eleven – Notice the Miracles: When I finally made it to the peak of Mt Shasta I knew it was a miracle. Statistics said 70% would fail the climb. I was a cancer patient, not in the best shape, old worn out gear, was in pain. Anyone predicting would bet that I would fail. However I made it to the peak! To me a miracle! Growing up I never believed miracles still happened. I thought it was something you read about in the Bible in the old days. But I am seeing them now in my life! Too many to list. God still works miracles today. There have been too many amazing things happening in my life over the last 11 years to call it “by-luck” or “by-chance”. I’m not saying I’m cured, but I have seen mountains move! Matthew 21:21

Twelve – At the Peak: At the peak of Mt Shasta I was amazed. Seeing a view I never would see anywhere else in the world. However I surprised myself. I thought the BIG reward for successfully making it to the peak would be seeing the beautiful view. But that was not it. The reward I truly valued was living through, being molded by; the experience of the climb itself. For me it’s the same thing with cancer. It’s not the reward of surviving that I truly value. It’s the changes it’s made in my life through my experiences climbing my own “life’s mountains”. Here is the summary of the key new view of life I learned while climbing to the peaks of my own Life’s Mountains. Trials are a blessing molding me into a better person. Expect trials to keep coming in life like peaks in mountain ranges. I can feel peace and joy through the good and the bad times. I can smile each day regardless of my circumstances. I can smile.

My tumor was located in my left temporal lobe, so it primarily has affected my memory and language abilities. In the past my vocabulary was very well loaded and I could shoot those words out fast. I could debate very well. As a wildlife biologist I needed to debate with foresters and engineers about how timber harvest affected the wildlife habitat and how to protect it. 

I was good at it and often won the dispute. In the past, if I was asked about what I felt was the best about me, it was not my looks or my physical abilities; it was my brain and my ability to use it.

Since the tumor was located in my left temporal lobe, after my brain surgery, radiation and chemo, my talent for using memory and language went downhill fast. Now I often stand there with my mouth open but stuck with a loss of words. It humbled me fast. Not only am I often at a loss for words during a conversation, but also just feeling lost. Off in “La La Land.”

Also I loved to read books! Like fiction suspense mysteries and non-fiction reference books about biology and wildlife. I was always reading two or more books at a time, always completing at least one book a week, then moving quickly to the next. After the brain damage from the tumor and treatments I have a hard time reading at all now. I now read so slowly that I can take over a month to finish a book. After one page my brain is so mentally worn down that I have to stop. So I rarely read now.

My brain’s cognitive capabilities change over time, most often getting worse. Each time I have to accept the new me and what I am capable of. That is hard for me because what I liked about myself and liked to do was primarily encircled with language and memory. I try to identify my deficits and learn to live within my new limits. I work to “accept” and feel at peace with it.

There were days I would sit and feel “poor pitiful me.” But I realized that did not gain me anything. I was still the new me. It is an ongoing challenge, so often I have to go through the process again of accepting myself with my disabilities. I had a hard time even saying the word “disability.” I was disabled. I am disabled. But after awhile I started accepting it and felt more comfortable.

Accepting the “new me” helped me move forward and enjoy each day in its fullest, never looking back and wishing I could be the way I was. Now I look forward and plan for things I can accomplish with what I am blessed to have now.

Determination: A willpower and drive to keep moving forward, even though it feels like I’m often stuck in mud. To be resolved and stead fasted, to never give up. To have a purpose, focused on surviving what is often called a terminal brain cancer. To have courage, strong determination, to keep up the fight. I truly think that is what it takes.

In the past, while I was on the Temodar chemotherapy I ran many 5K races, Mt bike races, mini-triathlons, x-country ski races, etc. I was always determined to hit the finish line. A 12 mile running race around a lake was one of the hardest. The road around the lake has many ups and downs, each hurting different muscles. Sometimes I would get ahead of others, but often I was passed and left behind. I would feel out of breath, and every step got harder. Sometimes I would start to think there was no way I could make it to the end.

Then something deep inside me (my positive optimistic attitude!) would take over and I would become determined to give it my all and hit the finish line. Often I would get hit by determination before I could even see the finish line; more often when I was struggling up a hard hillside. Each step I took I would say in my mind over and over things like, “go, go, go”, “yes, yes, yes”, “I can, I can, I can”, cheering myself, being my own coach, pushing myself on. So that I can hit the finish line, rise up my arms and yell, “I did it!”

I love how there are always people standing at the finish line, clapping their hands and yelling out in support as people cross over the finish line. It always makes me feel so good, and I can finally slow down, relax, and take a nice big deep breath.

Running a race is how I feel often when I’m fighting the brain tumor cancer. It’s often like running up a difficult steep hillside. Out of breath, in pain, and not sure if I could make it. When times like that come, I focus on a self-given finish line. Then I begin to focus on crossing that line; the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it seems so far away. But I’m determined to succeed and get there, and it feeds me with courage and strength.

Sometimes I feel like there are people surrounding me cheering me on as I race to the finish line. But sometimes I feel like I’m running alone. But the more determined I get, it does not seem to matter; I’m so focused on hitting the finish line.

The race to the finish line, while batting brain cancer, is always different. The end of 6 weeks on radiation, the end of recovering from surgery, the end of the week on Temodar, the last swallow of a handful of supplements, one finish line after another. It’s like I become a professional brain tumor athlete!

What makes me more comfortable, is that running hard to a finish line, is running hard to a finish line. As I step over the line, what I come to, what comes next, can be different each race I am on; but that does not change my determination to hit the finish line of the race.

Someday, as I cross the finish line, it may be death. But I will never slow down or lose my determination, until I hit the finish line and the race is over. The race of my life. One thing I am unwavering about, I tell myself over and over, especially when I hit a struggling hillside in the race, “I will NOT let this cancer kill my life, while I’m still alive.” Repeatedly, “I will NOT let this cancer kill my life, while I’m still alive.”

Even if it takes me crawling to the finish line, my determination will not faultier. I will keep living my life, until I hit the finish line, and it’s over.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”

Endurance synonyms – stamina, resolution, strength, survival, patience, resilience, fortitude, hardiness, tolerance, and acceptance; wow, that sure describes what it takes to survive battling a cancerous brain tumor!

Over the 16 years I’ve been batting the grade 4 GBM brain tumor, I never would have made it without having endurance. And I’ve noticed from myself and other brain tumor fighters, that it not only helps us survive, but also increases the quality of life during the struggles.

I’ve come to know that fighting the brain tumor is a daily, ongoing, chronic disease. At least for the GBM, it’s a battle that never ends. If I wasn’t determined to have endurance, I know I would have given up years ago.

Endurance gives me the power to endure an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving up, the capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear, the ability to deal with pain or suffering that keeps continuing.

So the question is, what gives me endurance; and what feeds others with endurance. Everyone is different and is motivated by different sources. But I’m convinced it’s needed to keep up the fight. Like many brain tumor survivors say to each other, Keep on Keeping on. That is so true, that’s what we need to do.

Over my 16 years fighting the brain tumor, I’ve had six recurrences of the ugly GBM. Talk about getting hit hard with bad news. It sure took endurance, strength, and stamina to make it through each recurrence.

I never thought that tolerance would be considered endurance. But I can see that being so true. I need to tolerate getting poked repeatedly with IVs, I need to tolerate taking pills each day, or tolerating lying steal in MRIs after MRIs. The list of what I need to tolerate goes on and on.

It’s also interesting that patience and acceptance are also synonyms for endurance. I never really thought that it would take patience and acceptance to endure the years I’ve survived. But it makes sense to me now years later when I think about it. I need to be patient waiting from doctor appointments to doctor appointments, waiting to hear the results of my MRIs, again another list that goes on and on.

I’ve noticed that I really need to endure that helps me to accept, “This is now how my life is”. I call this new life as living in “the brain tumor world”. If I did not have patience with and accepting my new life, I know I would have curled up and given up. If I did not have – stamina, resolution, strength, survival, patience, resilience, fortitude, hardiness, tolerance, and acceptance, which is the big word – ENDURACE, I never would have kept up the fight for 16 years.

So I keep telling myself, telling myself loudly, “I will endure, I will keep enduring”. And it’s surprising how powerful saying that to me is. So I keep on, keeping on – doing that!

Hebrews 12:1 “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”

When I was first diagnosed with brain cancer, glioblastoma Multiforme, I most likely would have curled up into a ball and given up if it was not for my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the foundation for my strength, hope, joy and peace while going through the trials of brain cancer.

I know “religion” is a sensitive topic for many people. I am not the type of person to “preach” at people, but on my web page I just have to share what I feel has kept me going and who gives me the hope about my future! Below I share what my personal beliefs are about my salvation and relationship with God. Your salvation and peace means a lot to me!

Jesus my Savior

I am not a professional for talking about God, but I will share with you what my heart knows from reading God’s Word the Bible; and what I know from my personal experience with God what he has done in my life. I will try to explain simply what I believe in God and the miracles and life he has given me out of mercy. A gift that is open to you and all.

I will start at the beginning of time. God created the heavens and earth, and all on it. God created “humans” in his image. We have not only our human bodies, but our souls. God loves us and wants to be with us. God is perfect, sinless and loving. God can not be in the presence of sin.

God made us with “free choice”, people that can make decisions on our own. With that blessing of being born with free choice, unfortunately we are also born with our natural nature of sin. As you know, even people who “want” to be good, often react out with our natural nature which includes anger, selfishness, impatience, etc. We know “murder” is sinful, but also just simple things such as lying and being judgmental is sinful. Since God is “perfect” He can not be in the presence of sin. But He had a plan to bring us to Him.

When he created us in the beginning He had a plan to come to earth himself as human; to be on earth with us for a given time, to die for us on the cross. Jesus Christ was God on earth in human form showing us how to live a life of love; then he “chose” to die on the cross for us. When Jesus was sacrificed and died on the cross, three days later he came back to life and went back into heaven. It was a sacrifice for us, that his blood could cover our sin. So now, if we believe in Jesus Christ, and turn to him, and ask him to forgive us of our sinful nature, then His blood covers our sin, God forgives us. Then, we can be in connection with God.

We are “connected” with God by the “Holy Spirit”. When we ask God to be our savior and forgive us of our sinful nature, God gives us a gift of his “Holy Spirit”. God’s spirit comes and lives in our hearts/souls. That is how we become connected with God. When “humans” here on earth die (we all end up dying one day), we can either be in God’s presence for an eternal life in heaven, or not be with God (hell).

Our human bodies only have a given amount of time on earth, but our souls live eternal. If we have sin in our hearts, we can not be with God forever. If we turn to Jesus Christ, ask forgiveness and accept Him as savior, Jesus’ blood covers our sin and God forgives us. At that point, we are connected to God by the Holy Spirit, and we then can live an eternal life with God.

I am not the best at putting this into words. All I can tell you is what the Bible says, and what I know is true from my own life. Before I “gave” my self to God and believed in Jesus, I was empty. My soul searched for a connection with God, but I could not find it. It was only through Jesus Christ, through God’s forgiveness of my sinful nature, did I finally “feel” whole and complete and content.

It was because I began to see God work through me with the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit empowers us to produce “fruits of the spirit” – Galatians 5:22-25 “The fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

There are SO MANY times fighting cancer that naturally I would respond anger, fear, anxiety, selfishness, etc. But through God’s Spirit, I am able to “see” and “do” life as Jesus’ example, with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no way I could have done that alone without God’s strength working through me.

Once we accept Jesus Christ as our savior, I am not saying that you will never “sin” again and that life will always be joyful. Believe me, at times I can still react in anger, fear, etc. But my “goal” in life, is to love other people the way God does. And each time I turn to God for the strength, He always is there to give me strength to go beyond what I could do myself. I love the verse Joshua 1:9 “Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, for the Lord your God will be with your wherever you go.”

All I know personally is that life was empty without being “connected” with God. It was when I turned to Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit (all three forms of God) – was I given life! That is when I felt “whole” and alive. I believe God is calling out to you. God wants to “be connected” and spend an eternal life with you and everyone.

But some peoples “eyes” don’t see God. Often we humans get caught up in one of the blessing God gave us, “free choice”. But unfortunately that “free choice” often leads us to selfish sin. Often, for many, it takes a serious life threatening experience (for me brain tumor!) to open our eyes and really search for that connection with God. It’s often during that life threatening experience, that we notice we are empty inside, without that connection with God. Then we search and search and our eyes begin to “see” Jesus Christ as our savior.

We can have a “personal relationship” with Jesus Christ. We can pray to God and gain strength through Him daily, hourly, per minute. It would be wonderful if you read God’s word, the Bible. Where He tells us all we need to know, to have that personal relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit.

I would say, the “book” in the Bible that would be best to start with, is the book of “John”, where it tells how Jesus came to earth to sacrifice for us. Jesus also gives examples how to love others and live a full life. I love the verse John 15:5, when Jesus was standing within a vineyard talking to his followers and Jesus looked around at the grape vines and said (using a good analogy), “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

I truly believe I can “do nothing” without the strength of God. I need to be connected to God, like a branch to the vine, through Jesus, so that I can “bear much fruit” and love others the way God does!!! Here are some Bible verses that speak out to my heart.

My Salvation in Jesus Christ

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

“For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” 1 Timothy 2:5 

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 

Jesus and God are one, Jesus told us in – “I and my Father are One.” John 10:30, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father.” John 14:9, “No ones comes to the Father expect through Me.” Romans 5:8 

“Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be clotted out.” Acts 3:19

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12 

“If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9 

“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.” John 5:24 

“This is how God showed His love among us. He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10

PEACE I get from God is indescribable:

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:4-7 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29

COMFORT knowing God has a plan:

Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the test of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2

Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hands. Isaiah 64:8

Reassurance knowing I AM NEVER ALONE:

Be Strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me besides quiet water, He restores my soul.
He Guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
Your rod and staff, then comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:1-4

MY FUTURE will be greater than I’ve ever dreamed of:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

No eyes has seen, no ears has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

In God, I will never give up HOPE:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31